Yin Yang
by Thanatos-Aire
Summary: Crappy StarRaeStar ficlet.


Yin-Yang

Thanatos_Aire

August 2005

Another Star+Rae ficlet. I really like this pairing even though it's not exactly canon. But whatever. Anyway, I don't own Teen Titans.

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The hallway is a stretch of dark silence, but I should have realized that. It couldn't have been any later than three in the morning; of course no one else would be here.

Quietly, I creep up to the metal door and pause, my hand in the air as I wonder if I should knock. Raven would be sleeping, yes? Everyone else was, but Raven wasn't very much like them. She liked the night, the dark, the silence.

I can only wonder why I am attracted to that.

We are so different, Raven and I. We learned that long ago, and it hasn't been forgotten. But I cannot help but ponder how we can be so much different and then be so much alike at the same time.

She must dominate her emotions as I must submit to mine; she controls her feelings as I unbridle my own. Her feelings could destroy her yet mine build me up. Raven understands things I could never know, and I know of things she could never understand.

But we are both dedicated. Loyal and determined to save this planet, we are not from here yet call it our home. Neither of us would rather be on our home-worlds. Our powers may be our curse, but they are our gifts as well; without them we could not fight to save peace and both of our powers are linked to our emotions.

I wonder if Raven understands that our differences make us more similar. I wonder briefly if she would even care.

Sighing, I drop my hand and turn to stalk back down the hallway to my own bedroom. There is still so much I have to learn before asking her to know.

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"Would you care to perform weaving manoeuvres upon one another's hair while painting each other's creatine with colourful enamels and discussing meteorology?" Starfire asked hopefully as she packed away the breakfast Cyborg had made.

"No thanks." Raven replied monotonously. She made a face at her plate, poking at the stack of pancakes with a sigh. The dark-haired girl didn't notice the slip in Starfire's cheerful mask as she pushed the plate to the side.

"Not going to eat?" Beastboy gave Raven an incredulous look. "Well, if you wanna starve, it's none of my business, but… Can I have your flapjacks?" With a poof of bodily manipulation, he sat on the chair beside the sullen girl, cat eyes looking up at her with watery innocence.

"Go ahead. You bounce off the walls so much, I'm surprised you have energy to eat." Raven retorted, standing from the breakfast bar. Her cape whisked behind her as she climbed the steps easily. "I'll be on the roof meditating if you need me." she announced, opening the door.

"_Don't_ need me." With a flourish of purple fabric and silver metal, Raven was gone.

Robin blinked. "Well. I guess she just had a bad night," He went back to feeding Silky as Beastboy gobbled up Raven's barely-touched food.

Cyborg chuckled, untying the lacy apron around his waist. "It's Raven, what do you expect?"

Starfire stood suddenly, face void of her usual smile. "Why do you joke when there could be something wrong?" she demanded, holding her hands out palm-up. "How can you not see that she is bothered? Do you not remember the days our friend Raven was tormented by dark thoughts of death? Do you not care that she might be hurt?"

The three turned and blinked at her for a moment. "Star," Robin began quietly, "It's no big deal. Raven's not much of a morning person and if there was something wrong, she'd tell us. Raven's fine, but I'm not so sure you are." He stood and stepped towards her.

Cyborg nodded. "He's right, Star. You're never this worked up about anything. You sure _you're_ okay?"

"Yeah," piped up Beastboy, "You're lookin' a little pink there. Want a flapjack?" He held out a pancake towards her and she thrust her fist down to hang at her sides.

"No, I am not okay!" she tempered, "I am not pink, I do not want any more of these doughy discs you call cakes of Pan, and I am not alright," Starfire turned on a heel and stormed out of the observation deck, fuming yet not as angry as she was sad.

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I sit here, listening to the calling of birds as the breeze sweeps my hair and cape up to flutter in the air. I cannot concentrate; my mind will not focus on anything except for the one thing I refuse to think about.

It is my handicap. If I dawdle on daydreams like this, I'll lose my focus and if that happens, I'm good as dead. My raw emotions would break loose and my powers… No…

I shake my head, trying to clear it, telling myself that I cannot think of it. It is too dangerous.

But such lovely images come to mind when--

Stop. Focus. Breathe in, breathe out. Close your eyes and clear your mind. You need to meditate, I remind myself… "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…"

Need to get these ridiculous thoughts out of my head. Of course, it'd be easier if my body helped. I sigh and open my dark eyes to glare at myself. Shifting around and resuming my lotus position, I close my eyes again and concentrate on nothing.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…"

Still, her face is there behind my eyes. "_Azarath_, Metrion, _Zinthos_." I can't help but smile, imagining those green eyes laughing, the long red hair bouncing with every cheerful hop.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos," I force out, taking a deep breath as I try to shake my thoughts off.

Starfire intrigues me as no other has. We are completely opposite, yet exactly the same. I cannot begin to understand the kind of freedom she has, being able to express herself the way she does. Happiness just radiates off of her, warmth seeping from her every pore.

How can she care so much and not burn out? Why does she care so much? How come she can trust and hug random strangers on the street yet I have such a hard time opening up to my closest friends?

I cannot comprehend her. I am jealous of her. I hate her happy-go-lucky grins and innocent naïveté, yet those are the very reasons why I love her.

Love... I love her?

"Aza_rath_, Metri_on_, Zin_thos_." I want to stop thinking down this road, but I cannot. I must. My thoughts return to every hug we ever shared, every amiable conversation we've held.

And I realize, I do. I love Starfire.

"_A_zarath, _Me_trion, _Zin_thos…"

What am I going to do now?

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fini--


End file.
